#39 - A Creepy Phone Call

I just got off of the telephone with a creepy computer person.

Stay with me on this…

Not a person calling about computers…

This was a computer pretending to be a person.

She claimed to be representing DOVE.

I ask, “The soap?”

Long pause…

“No.

DOVE.

D-O-V-E.”

I respond, “Oh…yes… I got that part. “

Thinking to myself I KNOW how to spell dove.

Good grief!

The pleasant June Cleaver voice explained that Hollywood media is dominating the selection of film and television broadcasts.

DOVE wants people to take control of that by promoting family value oriented programming.

So I am thinking to myself,

“Whose family values?

Mine?

Are you including our multiracial second married selves…

and our sibling of the lesbian persuasion who is a proud parent and in a loving relationship with her partner.

Oh, and our brother who is also of the same sex persuasion…

um..

is that what you mean by family values?”

But, I thought I best be polite.

So instead I asked, “Which religious organization are you affiliated with?”

Long pause…

“DOVE is not affiliated with any church organization, but we promote the family values of the Judeo-Christian faiths.”

Again I am thinking…

“WHAT??! Muslims don’t have family values?

What about Buddhists?

Or Quakers…

do they count?”

I am starting to go on slow burn.

While my mind is racing… June Cleaver keeps on talking and talking.

I guess she is following a script.

So I decide to relieve her of the script and I ask another question.

Long pause.

And the voice switches gears and recites something else… and now I am VERY SUSPICIOUS.

I ask, “Am I talking to a COMPUTER?!!”

Pause.

Smooth as silk Not June Cleaver explains, “You are talking with a computer facilitated by a person.”

Well, something like that.

This was getting too surreal.

I push, “Look is this a computer or a person?”

And out comes a laugh on the phone line.

I sigh, “Oh! This is a person! Thank goodness, I was beginning to wonder what is going on here.”

And I let out a small laugh of relief.

And the response is the same laugh.

IDENTICAL to the first laugh.

Oh shoot.

This IS a computer.

A computer with an attitude thinking it was gonna be all human and stuff and trying to laugh.

Nope.

I had enough by now.

I am creeped out by this female HAL wannabe so I hang up.


So sorry, but I just DO NOT chat with computers.

Especially ones that sound like the voice of Big Brother on estrogen.

Bothered me so much I just had to locate the DOVE website.

I did.

It’s not too bad actually.

So I think they need to be enlightened by my disgruntled self.

Clicked the CONTACT US button and left the following message:

“I do not appreciate being interviewed by a computer.”

Yep.

I think that about sums it up.

Nuf’ said.

Oh… here’s their website just in case you are curious:

http://www.dove.org/default.asp

POSTSCRIPT:

They wrote back.
Here is what I got:

"If you would kindly provide me with your phone number, I can take you off of our calling list. I apologize for the call that was placed toyour home. We strive to be as professional as possible; however, whenworking with people, we are bound to fall short on occasion. I'm surethis is what happened in your case. Again, I apologize but want you toknow that our mission and cause are noble which is to get more cleanentertainment made for families and to provide families with informationso that they may make informed decisions. We in no way try to censor ordictate what families and/or adults watch. We feel strongly inproviding an alternative for what is generally available to families.Thank you for your feedback and with your phone number I can take youoff our call list.
Thank you.
Dave Lukens
Executive Director
The Dove Foundation535 East Fulton, Suite 1AGrand Rapids, MI 49503Phone: XXX-XXX-XXXX

I thought about a reply, but I am too tired and grouchy now.
But, I will tell you this... I am soooo not going to give these folks my phone number.
:P
TA!